Sending Your Daughter to Seminary in Israel? Here’s What to Talk About First
This post was written by Dr. Rebecca Mischel and was originally published as an article in the Jewish Link. Dr. Mischel is director of guidance at Midreshet Lindenbaum and has a private practice in Jerusalem where she specializes in adolescents and young adults, specifically those in seminary and yeshiva. .
As the director of guidance at Midreshet Lindenbaum in Israel and a psychologist in private practice, I’ve had the privilege of working with hundreds of teens, young adults and seminary students as they navigate their year in Israel. Having witnessed both the incredible growth and the real challenges that come with the seminary experience abroad, I’ve created this guide to help parents thoughtfully prepare their daughters for what lies ahead, supporting them through a year that will be transformative in the best possible way.
For many families, sending a daughter to a seminary in Israel is a proud and emotional milestone. It’s a year of tremendous growth, spiritually, intellectually and personally. But it also comes with a whole new set of responsibilities, pressures and choices that your daughter may be navigating for the first time.
Before she boards the plane, having a few intentional conversations can make all the difference in preparing her for a successful, healthy and meaningful year.
Managing Real-Life Responsibilities
For many girls, seminary marks the first time they are fully in charge of daily life tasks — laundry, food shopping and cooking — all while juggling a demanding learning schedule. Sit down together and review her school’s schedule. Help her think through when she’ll be able to run errands, prepare meals or even get her laundry done. Learning how to fit adult responsibilities into a full day takes time and support.
Finding Balance: Not Too Easy, Not Overloaded
Some girls feel pressure to do everything, every chesed project, every shiur, every social gathering. Others may be tempted to coast and enjoy the freedom of a looser structure. Encourage your daughter to find a balance between commitment and self-care, challenge and rest. Remind her that it’s okay to say no sometimes, and equally okay to push herself out of her comfort zone.
The Social Scene: FOMO Is Real, But So Is the Need for “Me Time”
Living with 50-100 peers her age sounds exciting, and it is, but it can also feel overwhelming. Girls often worry they’ll miss out if they take a break, rest or spend time alone. Help her understand that downtime isn’t a sign of loneliness or failure; it’s a sign of self-regulation. She doesn’t have to be “on” all the time. Making time to recharge is what enables long-term emotional and spiritual growth.
Friendship Takes Time — Really
We’ve all heard stories of someone meeting their lifelong best friend the first night of seminary. That’s great for them. But it’s not the norm, and it’s not a standard to measure against. Real friendships take time, trust and shared experiences. Encourage your daughter to take initiative, be kind, and stay open — but not to panic if deep connections don’t happen instantly. Most of her peers are feeling the same way.
The Comparison Trap: Bodies, Clothes and Confidence
In a setting where everyone is the same age and living in close quarters, it’s natural to start comparing: clothing, body types, popularity, even eating habits. Remind your daughter that not everything is what it seems. Everyone has struggles, insecurities and strengths, whether or not they show them. Help her stay grounded in her own identity and focus on her own personal growth and development. Let her know that if she starts feeling overwhelmed by comparisons, she can and should reach out to someone in the school for support.
Spending and Money: Every Family Is Different
One of the most uncomfortable issues for girls in seminary is money — how much to spend, how often to order food, and what to do when friends want to go out. Make sure to talk openly about what’s reasonable, if she’ll need to get a job, and how to manage differences. It’s okay if your family’s approach is different from others. Encourage her to be sensitive and nonjudgmental toward peers, and to communicate if she’s unsure.
The Security Situation: Supporting Your Daughter While Managing Your Own Concerns
It can feel deeply unsettling to send your child to a “war zone.” As a parent, it’s natural to worry, but do your best not to let your own anxiety exacerbate your daughter’s stress. If she expresses concern, remind her (and yourself) that you chose a school you trust. These institutions are in close contact with local authorities and have strong security protocols. They know when and where it’s safe to travel, and they take student safety extremely seriously.
Encourage your daughter to be aware, smart and alert, and to follow her school’s guidance carefully. At the same time, remind her that we believe Hashem runs the world. Ultimately, we draw strength from emunah; whatever is meant to be will be.
Being together with the Jewish people in our land, especially at such a historic time in our nation’s history, is an incredible privilege. That doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Sometimes your daughter may feel anxious or unsettled, and that’s okay. Let her know those feelings are normal, and encourage her to seek out support when needed.
Staying in Touch: What Are Your Communication Expectations?
Will you FaceTime every Friday? Text during the week? Speak daily or only once in a while? Seminary life can be intense and unpredictable, so it helps to set realistic expectations about communication in advance. Talk about what each of you would like, and how your schedules might align. Keep the door open for these expectations to evolve over the year.
Emotional Health: When to Seek Support
Moving across the world, to a new country, away from family and everything familiar, can be incredibly challenging. Even in the most nurturing seminary environments, it’s normal for girls to struggle at times with intense emotions, loneliness or stress.
If your daughter is having a hard time, encourage her to speak with someone at the school or consider seeking therapeutic support. Even if she’s never needed therapy before, or was in therapy previously and felt she had “resolved everything,” this is a new chapter, with new emotional demands. It’s okay, and often wise, to ask for help.
You may be surprised to learn that individual therapy in Israel is typically much more affordable than in the tristate area. If your daughter is feeling consistently overwhelmed, anxious, down, or if her emotional state is interfering with her functioning, academically, socially or personally, check in and help her access the support she needs. You can turn to your daughter’s seminary to recommend a trusted therapist. The faster she gets help, the more empowered and grounded she’ll feel to make the most of her year.
Final Thoughts
The seminary year is a time of tremendous personal development, and it’s also a time of transition. The more you can prepare your daughter for the realities of independence, the more confident and centered she’ll feel once she’s there.
Your ongoing support, understanding and open communication will continue to be her foundation, no matter how far away she is.
About the Author
Dr. Rebecca Mischel is director of guidance at Midreshet Lindenbaum and has a private practice in Jerusalem where she specializes in adolescents and young adults, specifically those in seminary and yeshiva. She is also licensed in New York and New Jersey and sees teens and adults utilizing telehealth. You can reach her at rebeccamischel@gmail.com.